Brine that bird

In my pre-Thanksgiving "yes I am still alive" post I mentioned that I was thinking I might finally try brining the Turkey. Well I did it, roughly following Alton Brown's method, and it was amazing. Completely worth a little effort to do it - best turkey I have ever made. One thing to note is that rather than the cooler mentioned in Brown's recipe, I found and purchased very large food grade heavy duty zip top bags. One large enough for a 16 lbs turkey and a couple gallons of brine. We brined over night because of the size of our bird, roasted for 4 pm meal and really ate a lot.

Oh and we did cook the bird grill again. It just makes it tasty all around while freeing up my oven for all kinds of other stuff (potato casserole - yum!). It isn't really all that different from roasting in the oven. Get the grill to a nice roasting temp, keep it there till the turkey is done. We don't baste, or really mess with it at all. One thing we do is roast the first hour breast down, then flip it and roast until done in the standard orientation. Flipping can be tricky - our method involves a pair of rubberized, heat proof gloves. My husband dons them, then just picks the bird up and turns it over. Done. (Uh, by the way we use a v shaped roasting rack which make that whole thing a little easier.)

Another thing I did differently this year is the dressing. I used my standard recipe but instead of casserole I used one of my dutch ovens and about 3 cups of broth. It was the best I have made yet & the closest to from the bird stuffing (the brine + grill cooking means no stuffing the bird).

Overall the food was great, it was good to have family around and it was a nice break from rehearsal. The only down side was that my general level of tiredness meant that I was falling asleep on the couch at 7 pm. Or maybe that was the wine...

Rehearsal is the work

We opened last weekend. It went well really. I was exhausted.

I arrived for preview wiped out. I haven't seen my friends in a month, never mind my family. I am FRIED. I am thinking "Why and the hell do I do this? I am killing myself. I just would really like to sit in front of the TV and drink beer for a night." Tired.

And then I go on. I am alive. Awake. Ready for more. I love this. I don't even know why - maybe I am just an attention whore (see also: has a blog) but god do I love it. Michael Caine says in his book Acting in Film "Rehearsal is the work, performance is the release." and he is so very right. I am probably paraphrasing the line (ha), and as I remember he was actually quoting someone else. But the point is solid and true (note to self: re-read book). At the end of weeks of rehearsal I am spent and can't remember why it is that I am doing this crazy crap.

And then we open, and there is the release of performing. All the work in the rehearsal pays off and you get to live in this (usually intense) moment of someone else's life. So I look for the next audition and keep going.

Where did she go?

Rehearsal, that's where.

Right now my life is work, eat, rehearse, repeat. Tonight we are going to squeeze in three runs so that we can have tomorrow "off." If that sounds exhausting that is because it is. "Off" in quotes because I am hosting tomorrow and while I have help, it is still mostly me.

In the works I have a post about sausage rolls (No, not pigs in a blanket. Those are totally different.). And we are brining the turkey for the first time ever, followed by the "roast the turkey on the grill" method I made up last year because I have one lonely oven. So, I'll let you know how that goes...

Doing Christmas shows seemed like such a good idea at the time.

Speaking of which (incoming shameless self promotion) if you live in the Seattle area you can check us out starting Dec 5. Show and ticket info from Stone Soup Theatre's site.

But really, what am I afraid of?

Nearly every week in my voice work there comes a point where my coach asks me "what are you afraid of? Let it out!" In the moment I can never put my finger on it "I don't know," I just don't seem to be able to get out of my own way. But really, I do know what it is... fear of not being good enough. If I keep it in, it can't be judged. If I hold back, I won't go to far and get it wrong.

Cripes, is it hard to get past.

I am the typical first born, A student, everything has to be perfect all the time or I failed type-A pain in the ass personality. So yeah fear it won't be good enough is practically core to my being. Easy to say, really difficult to actually deal with. There is an interesting twist though - it doesn't rule my day job the way I find it dominating me in my artistic work. Something goes sideways at work and my reaction is generally "Shit that didn't work, I'll try something else". Get into art... I am afraid enough that I don't push it in the first place. Sometimes I don't fully commit because I am afraid to not be good enough. Which, by the way, is idiotic because in most cases only by fully committing will you be good enough. Again, easy to understand intellectually, very hard (for me) to actually live.

No real solution here, just admitting the fear is there to be faced... Step one?

Edit: Almost two weeks has lapsed since I wrote this post. Fear... so powerful. Here we go post button...

The 12 Year Gap (AKA Do you know what Ribena is?)

I am 12 years older than my brother with no siblings in between. He was in Kindergarden when I moved out. We both had only child experiences growing up. Obviously we are quite different - he is a millennial, I am genX. I vividly remember getting our first computer; he has no memory of a time when we didn't have at least one computer in the house. That said, I really thought this was the extent of our differences. We are siblings in the same family at the end of the day...

Wrong. 

I just spent the last two weeks in the UK with my extended family. It is the first time my brother and I have been over together, as adults.

Wow.

If ever there was an experience that served to highlight that I am not totally culturally American and my brother is... There are all sorts of British cultural references that I understand that he is totally clueless about. It was actually shocking. I think my constant "Really?! How do you not know what that is?!" started to piss him off. He pointed out that he has only been over 4 times where as I don't even know how many times I have gone over - a lot. The husband made the joke that there are Irish people who have spent less time in Dublin than me - he is not wrong. (Uh... Mom's Irish, Dad's English. Yes that happens. All the time actually.)  

One night at dinner the conversation drifted to how this difference came about. It turns out to be very simple. It was when my brother born that my parents fully, emotionally, committed to staying the US. That is when they started the citizenship process, and (most importantly) that is when they really embraced America culture.

By this time much of who I am was set. I drink tea every morning, I cannot start my day without it and I don't remember when I started drinking it I just always have (hello stereotype). I know the specific angst of picking up your cup thinking there is one last swig of tea only to discover there isn't. My brother barely drinks tea, and when he does he takes no milk (blech!). I have a very dry wit that is occasionally taken a bit literally by my friends here, causing me problems. I know what Ribena is and love digestive biscuits (Actually the "how do you not know what Ribena is?!" was the point my brother looked like he was going to smack me). I apologize when I have no reason to (so, SO, annoying as someone who did, in fact, grow up in America). I think the twitter very british problems (@soverybritish) is both hilarious & slightly painful. My speech pattern is different from my brother's, and there are all sorts of words that I pronounce in the British manner (a fact my friends have always taken glee in pointing out "Dude, say what this is?" while holding up a jar of herbs. Sigh). His voice is classically American, mine is not - nothing like having a director tell you to get training in american dialect because "you don't use it". Awesome (not the word that crossed my mind at the time). But on the upside, RP (standard British) came to me very quickly when I finally went to learn it, because I didn't have to learn it. I'd heard it my whole life and it was in there already.  

I think for my parents it was a surprise. The way things happened in our family meant that they had one classic immigrant child who's cultural understanding straddled both their parent's native and adopted cultures, and one child who is purely a creature of America. I don't really know how it made them feel... I know it makes me sad that my daughter seems to want nothing to do with tea (though she does like digestive biscuits!). On the other hand, I think my parents are more American than I am these days so maybe they haven't given it a thought since that dinner.  Perhaps we are really the picture of how immigrant families join their new culture?

The Pebble. So sad.

I really, really wanted to like my Pebble. I waited ages for it and it had so much promise... Promise. Not overly featured, simple, great battery life, design I actually want on my wrist, not a full computer (looking at you galaxy).  I shipped it back.

You see, I have an iPhone which means I just couldn't get the most out of that watch. Really this is because of decisions that Apple makes about it's product. I understand that the (relatively) closed system is the price I pay for my Apple addiction. BUT Pebble really didn't make clear just how much of a challenge I was going to have with the device up front. There are things that just don't work. Most of the apps require you to jailbreak your phone (all but one that I could find actually). Bummer, but I probably would have been okay with this had it been clear up front.

The connectivity issues are another thing; survivable before iOS 7 but so frequent after I found myself just keeping my phone on the desk again. Then there is the notifications not showing problem. An apparently known issue that is discussed frequently on the forums. Notifications on my wrist + Runkeeper integration is why I bought the thing. Hey Pebble pro-tip: telling you customers the solution notification problem is to do something called "the finger dance" where in one goes through and turns off and on all the notifications on my phone every single time the connection gets dropped isn't a solution. It is a sign that your product isn't production ready to pair with iPhones. It was annoying when I had to do it because I went out of bluetooth range, it made it unusable with the connectivity issues I had with iOS 7.

So back the Pebble went. I am once bitten twice shy on smartwatches now. I am going to sit back and see what happens with these over the next 12 months.

Pumpkin Cake

Yes, it is time for all things pumpkin. I personally don't understand the fascination, but I do like pumpkin spice cake and this is my personal recipe, which has more spices that most.

What you need:

For the cake:
1 16oz can of pumpkin puree
2 c AP flour
4 eggs, beaten
3/4 c Vegi oil
2 c sugar
2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp vanilla
1 tsp salt
1 Tbls pumpkin pie spice
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp nutmeg (freshly ground is best)
1/4 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground allspice

For the frosting:
1 8oz package cream cheese at room temp
4-5 tbls button at room temp
1.5 tsp vanilla
2 c sifted powdered sugar


How to do it:
Pre-heat oven to 350.
Stir together the dry ingredients, set aside.
Combine eggs, pumpkin, sugar, & oil. Beat until combined.
Add dry ingredients, beat until just combined.
Pour into a 13 x 9 pan and bake for 25-30 minutes. You can also bake in round(2 8" for about 25). A toothpick should come out of the center with a few crumbs attached. If you bake this in a pyrex dish it will take longer.

Let the cake cool for at least 2 hours before frosting.

Making the frosting is incredibly easy.  When your butter and cream cheese are soft, sift the cream cheese over and whip together (yes sift. Do you want lumpy frosting? Don't sift your sugar ad I promise you will get it.) Now whip it all together with your hand mixer, then whip in the vanilla and put it on the cake. This recipe make plenty for a sheet cake, or 8" rounds.

Nom.

At little update on the foundation stick

I still love it, still super happy with it. Haven't gotten around to buying a darker and lighter shade for contouring but it is on the list (and January). I just wanted to update with a little review video done by Wayne Goss which you can watch here.

On a side note, I love Wayne Goss' videos. I really, really do a better job with my make up because of them.

Getting out of my own way

On Tuesdays I sing. Or at least I meet with my voice coach. This week, in a pinnacle moment of getting in my own way, I somehow tried to think my way to a note. Really.

For the non-singers, this does not work. Ever. At one point Denise actually asked me if I could please use the same octave he was. It was not pretty. I did eventually manage to get my brain to shut the hell up and just listen and repeat but it was ugly until I did.

I was thinking about this as I practiced last night because I think about everything (while wondering if I was in the same octave as the recorded warm up...).

This is, of course, my problem - the thinking. There are so many things in my life where a bit less thinking would be helpful... singing, acting, dancing, cooking, painting, work... living really. Earlier today I spent a solid hour over thinking a decision that has basic only one way to go - yeah think less, and make the call would have been good there (also commit. Sigh). The hour of over analysis did not help anything. Working out doesn't require me to think hard about it, but I do. In fact, it is the thinking that can stop me from doing it ("Oh I am tired and I need to run lines/go to the store/make dinner/sing/sit on the couch and drink a martini. I will take a rest day.") When rehearsal dictates that I must work out in the morning (at like 5. Ick.) my mantra is don't think about it. The alarm goes off just get up and go and it totally works. The minute I think, I am toast. Not getting up. It has to just be "Don't think, just do."

So... the challenge is to be aware of when I am getting in my way and to know it off. No problem. Ha. Perhaps October is the month of getting out of my head?

Don't think, just do...

A product rave and some nail stuff (look a girly post)

Ok 2 product comments today (I am not a product junky. I am not a product junky. I am not...) and I am deliberately not calling them reviews because they aren't; just comments.

Ok first a new foundation. I am in love with the Fit Me Shine-Free foundation stick from Maybelline. I bought it on a whim expecting very (very) little. In fact, I totally had buyers remorse when I bought this thinking "Uh - this is going to suck. Drug store foundation is never good on me." and it sat around for while before I finally tried it. (I bought it back in July - relax I am still on the month of not buying things.) SURPRISE - not only does it not suck but I am so in love with it I wore it to an audition last night instead of my usual Ben Nye (which I have been frustrated with as of late). I am currently using 115 which is the lightest color but one so there is even a color left for me to go to in January (more product info here). My skin is combination to dry these days and it works out just fine on me moisture wise and doesn't seem to settle into the lines I totally don't at all have... ahem.

And now nails... I am giving up on Sephora brand nail polish. I know it is (theoretically) made by OPI but I have just had nothing but problems with it. Its durability is terrible, it's streaky more often than not, and I hate the brush. For the price it must be better than this so I chucked the ones I have and I am just going to skip it from now on (no matter how pretty it is).

Semi related on the nails, I found a great blog with lots of really good nail care info (also lots of "here is a color holding the bottle photos but I think that comes with the territory). It is called LoodieLoodieLoodie Find her "how to file" videos here. It is good stuff.

Tabata Tuesday

Increasingly when I do my cardio work out I am just not up for complex choreography step, or, well complex anything. More and more I just want to get it done. So I have done rather a lot of high intensity interval workouts lately, to the point where now I know enough stuff that I just make up my own. And then I thought I should write these down. So yeah - I wrote it down...

You should definitely warm up and cool down. I run around the block first (at least 5 minutes) and stretch to cool down. 

If you are unfamiliar, this is basic tabata structure: 20 seconds of work followed by 10 seconds of rest for four exercises is a round. You do two rounds to make 1 tabata. That is it. They can be as easy or hard as you make them though they are intended to be really high intensity. Check out this article by Cathe Friedrich to find about more about tabata in general. Cathe is awesome and will literally work your butt off.

Dutch Apple Pancake

This is basically a Yorkshire pudding variant (think toad in the hole but with apples - um,  right... I'll explain toad in the hole some other time). It is a little but fussy but still reasonable enough to manage for brunch. 

It does take a bit longer than a batch of pancakes, so if everyone is starving go for those. Otherwise give this a try as it is rich and tasty. 

What you need:

2 granny smith apples sliced ~1/4" thick (any tart apple with do as long as it holds shape when cooked)

3 tbls brown sugar

1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tbls butter

3 room temperature eggs*

1/2 cup milk at room temperature

1 tbls sugar

1/2 tsp vanilla

4 oz flour 

*If your ingredients are cold you won't get as much puff but the recipe will still work. 

What to do:

First turn your oven on to 500 degrees (yes really)

Then prep the apples. Slice them up, then toss them with the brown sugar and the cinnamon. When the over is hot put a pan in the oven to get hot. This time I used my oven safe 10" frying pan. Sometimes I use a 9" cake pan. There are those who say that the thinner the pan the better because you want the pan to transfer heat into the batter rapidly. Use what you have and don't worry about greasing because... 

When the pan (and oven) are up to temperature put the butter in the pan and then back into the oven just long enough to melt the butter completely and get it hot (but not burnt). Quickly pull the pan, put the apples in and then back into the oven with it until the apples are just softened, about 20 minutes. 

Mine looked like this when they were ready for the next step.

Notice the carmel-y butter yumminess in the pan with the apples. Mmmmm. 

While the apples are cooking make the batter. Nearly all recipes for popovers/yorkshire pudding variants call for making the batter in a blender. I do it this way too, but I have also made it by hand just be ready to really whisk the heck out of the batter. So that said... put the eggs, milk, vanilla, sugar and flour in the blender and blend until thoroughly integrated. If you are whipping by hand do the liquids first until they are well blended and then add sugar, then flour. 

Ok, now the batter is done. Don't worry about it sitting around waiting for the apples to finish, it will be just fine. Some even say you get better puff if the batter rests (Alton Brown says you don't; I am inclined to agree with him). Anyway... when the apples are done, QUICKLY open the oven, pour the batter in and shove it all back in - definitely don't stop to take pictures... This is all about max heat so the less heat you lose from the oven during this process the better. 

Yeah so speed = bad focus but you get the idea.

Now close the over door and cook until GBD**. DO NOT open the door for at least 20 minutes. If you do, the pudding will fall prematurely and not be nearly as light and airy to eat. Total cooking time will range from 20-30 minutes. Even in my oven it seems to range from time to time depending on how many/what apples I use.

Let cool slightly when you take it out, and it will shrink. Don't panic, it is suppose to fall. This isn't a souffle, you didn't break it (some of the same chemistry at work though). Slice it up, sprinkle on the powdered sugar. EAT! 

Look! I remember a plating photo this time. Now if I could just find my real camera...

** Golden brown and delicious. So yeah, Good Eats fan. 

It is all about making choices

The other day I read an article about auditioning and it contained a classic Steve Jobs quote "A lot of times, people don’t know what they want until you show it to them.” This is when it struck me how similar what I do at my desk all day is to what I do when I work on a character. 

At my day job I am the product owner for the home page of a large website. Shortest version of "um so what do you really do" is I set the strategy & feature roadmap for that page. This means I spend my time analyzing data and doing research. I assimilate all this information and then I make choice about what I am going to do. I have to absolutely commit to these choices that I make about my product to in order to be successful. 

We talk about choices a lot in acting; making choices about your character's behavior, position, voice, physicality, etc. Your choices are informed by the text (and research as required for a role) and you have to commit to them.

It was just a bit of a shocking realization that what I do manage a product is really actually quite similar to what I do to create a character.

Turkey taco, burrito, whatever filling

I made my taco filling the other night and as promised I actually noted down how I make. This recipe is admittedly rough. I have been making this stuff for years based on what I used to watch my Mom make so I have always sort of made it by feel. I think she used some sort of recipe at one point but who knows. I come from a long line of make it up as you go cooks.

This is a really useful thing to be able to whip up off the top of one's head. It can go into anything: tacos, burritos, salad, the taco bites and M and I even used left overs last night for Mexican tortilla pizzas. It is also quite fast so it is a good weeknight meal, so I always have what I need to make this around.






What you need:
1 package ground turkey (these are always about 1 1/4 pounds for some reason)
2 ish Tbls Chili powder (I use a blend, currently New Mexico blend)
1 ish Tbls Ground Cumin
1 ish Tbls Paprika (use a medium heat one)
1/2 a large onion chopped fine (this is about a cup I think)
Several garlic cloves minced (I usually use 4ish, but this is really to taste)
1 8oz can tomato sauce
Salt & Pepper to taste
Cooking oil (I pretty much always use olive unless I am doing high heat)


Notes:

• If I have a container of salsa in the fridge that has been laying around for a while I will mix that in too. It is a good way to use them up and adds a fresh note to the flavor. 
• Also all my measurements are heaping, hence the "ish" 
• Yes, you can use beef, or pork and beef mixed which is in my opinion the best flavor. I use turkey because, you know, saturated fat... 
• Finally, my family is full of spice wimps. On the rare occasion I get to make this just to suit my taste ground cayenne or chipole pepper goes in too, but that pretty much never happens any more so I use Cholula hot sauce on mine. Or I just whine because spice is always better cooked in... 

What to do:
Chop up all that onion and garlic.
Put a nice big pan on the stove, throw in a bit of oil and let it heat up. Now put the onion & salt in there and soften it. Note the dutch oven above. I used it because of the large cooking surface, not the volume.

When the onion is translucent (yes that mysterious state) in goes the garlic. About a minute later (when you smell garlic cooking), the meat & turn the heat up a bit. I break the meat up as I put it in. Now brown it. Put it in there and DON'T TOUCH IT. I know, you want to stir. Don't. Browning, real browning, is what separates good food from great food. When it starts to look cooked from the top, then you may stir (no I don't have a picture - I forgot to take process pictures. Next time).

During the browning period is when I fling all the dry spices in. I just sort of sprinkle them over the top, then they all get tossed in on that first stir. When I do stir, I stir it well breaking up any large clumps, etc. There is probably a bit stuck to the pan. Excellent. At this point your meat should look mostly cooked. When you pour in the sauce, use that to moisten and scrape up those bits (deglaze that pan), which you do now (also that salsa goes in now if you are using it). Really now I just cook until I am sure the meat is done and the flavorings have come together, 5 minutes or so.

Now you probably noticed I didn't include any "turn on the stove to medium high" type instructions. That is because every stove is different. I have a professional stove so I do nearly everything on medium or less because my stove is rocket nozzle hot. For you, the onion might be medium then the meat browning might be high. Also there are no cooking times really, because it cooks until it is done and you shouldn't walk away because this whole thing is going to take maybe 20 minutes.

So the August of buying some things...

Well, August is over and looking back and I have done okayish. I bought a few things here and there, but overall I was definitely more mindful about shopping and there were even a few moments of putting back impulse buys. As mentioned, I plan on doing this again in September but I already haven't started well. I ended up buying a few things at H&M over the weekend (having of course forgotten all about my pledge of not buying things). I like all 3 shirts - in fact I am wearing one right now. But still I didn't need them, and I kind of bought them in a flurry of "I want some new style-y things." Gah. Changing habits is so hard.

Turkey Taco Bites are Good

So good we ate all of them with out me getting the pretty "here they are on the plate" final picture. At any rate these are super easy, primarily because they rely on leftovers. Still, they are easy even if you are starting from scratch on the filling.

What you need:
About 2 cups of left over taco filling (I used my turkey taco filling that I will share next time I make it)
1/2c ish Grated Cheddar cheese
Salsa
20-24 wonton wrappers
Muffin tins (ok, not strictly required. You can form these in your hand, seal them and bake on a cookie sheet. Muffin tin is just easier, and if you have a mini-muffin tin that will keep you from overfilling. I don't. I overfill).

How to do it:
Turn the oven on to 350.
Grease the muffin tins (I admit to using the non-stick spray because I am lazy).
Put your wonton wrappers in the tins

Just gently sort of shove them in there. Don't worry about it too much.







Fill with the meat. Ideally you put about a tablespoon of the meat in. To reiterate I overfill...

So pretty much every one in the picture has too much in it. Still tasty.











Sprinkle cheese in next

Yes you can put more than this in. It will ooze out when you bake. You may find this desirable. I like these to be very finger friendly so I at least try to keep it contained.







Add about a teaspoon of salsa to each

Now it is time to seal. I generally just dip my finger in a bowl of water, wet the corners and squeeze together. I am not looking for perfection here. This is the part where I find out that most of mine are overfilled. When that happens I just kind of fold the corners in to cover the filling and call it good.

Into the oven they go for 15-25 minutes depending on your oven and how crunchy you want the wrappers to get. These cooked for 25 minutes in my oven.

In a perfect world they all look like the one on the far left, but I am human so most of them look like the one in the middle.


Last step is to try to not eat all 20 in one sitting. Good luck with that.

And about that NYX make up

Yeah that make up I broke the not buying things to buy because "IT ON SALE," I am not even happy with any of it.

I bought the white eyeshadow primer - it creased, by mid-morning no less.
I bought an auburn eyebrow pencil - to harsh (that could be that my technique sucks to, so perhaps I could give that one a pass).
I bought the crazy ergonomic eyeliner marker. Yeah so not easier. I hated it and the liner drifted everywhere. Perhaps it has a long drying time or something but I was very underwhelmed. It is a shame, I had read such good things about it.

It is too bad. I like the NYX eyeshadows but apparently I should not have tried going beyond that as I really haven't found anything else that I like in there line. I hear the lipsticks are good but I don't really wear lipstick that often anymore so I haven't tried them.

Anyway that is all. Just thought I would share since I mentioned it.

Checking in on the month of not buying...

Yeah...

I bought things. Thing 1 I have decided not to count because it is the pre-order of "The Hollow Crown" which I have been waiting ages for the opportunity to own (Shakespeare fans note: it is very good. I saw it last year in the UK and have been impatiently waiting to buy the DVD ever since). So as that is very the opposite of an impulse buy I have decided that it is okay. However... the make up and the yarn and the 2 apps... well. I bought things.

The make up in particular is interesting for me to reflect on because here is what happen. Last Friday my day went sideways early on and just got progressively worse. The short version is that I ended up in the Bartell's in Bellevue looking for acetone. What I bought was 3 pieces of NYX make-up that I definitely do not need (and the acetone which I did). I got sucked in because "it's on sale" which would be fine if I actually NEEDED any of it, which I didn't. But the interesting bit was on the way home I had my moment of self realization "GAH! I just did the thing. I bought crap I didn't need because I am having a bad day!" This is not something that happens, ever. So even though I broke my rules I am feeling like I was more mindful of what was happening so not all bad. Perhaps next time I can catch myself before.

And then there is the yarn - yeah... I was on vacation for like 10 minutes when I got fidgety and realized I needed a project. Enter nice yarn store... so I will have a lovely new alpaca wool scarf (sooner or later). Better planning could have thwarted this - I know I like to have projects when I am on vacation and I have plenty of yarn (it just happened to be 2000 miles away at the time).

So apps. Funny story. When I was writing the outline for this post, I remembered the apps at the very end and realized I had mentally not counted those as "things" because they aren't physical. But all the same buying psychology applies (at least for me) and they cost money and take up space on my phone... I bought two apps. One is arguable required; it is a signing/voice lesson companion app to help me in practice. The other... fidgety vacation Joanne strikes again. "I don't want to read the books I brought... I have been wanting to read more poetry... BUY APP NOW" I could have just picked up any one of dozens of books in the house. Nope. Want this shiny app.

All that said I have been more mindful in general about my shopping. I haven't really been shopping for the sake of it. I didn't buy a bunch of crap before vacation or random stuff while on vacation. It is not all bad. In fact I think it is mostly good. There is also going to be a September of not buying things since the August of not buying things hasn't been perfect. Plus frankly more to learn about myself.

Urban Gal

This fine week finds me on vacation visiting family in central Wisconsin. It is a small town really a ways from anywhere. Like a 2 hours in the car to get anywhere, ways from anywhere. It makes me feel fairly stupid about "Eh I don't want to go - that is all the way in West Seattle" a whole 15 minute drive. Gasp. Here? Oh you forgot something, well the decent shopping (their words not mine) is, oh, 2 hours away. Oh you want to go to a zoo with your daughter? That is 2 hours south. Oh you want to go out for dinner? Well there are a couple of bars in town... or you could drive to... It really forces me to realize that I have everything at my fingertips.

This is the longest I have ever visited and it has made me realize what a city kid I am. The smallest place I have ever lived is Portland, Or. which while not a big city, it is definitively urban. And I prefer to live properly urban where I can walk to many things from my house. There is this constant white noise of life and it never gets dark really. Last night I turned my light off and it struck me that I could not see my hands in front of my face, it is that dark here at night. On the upside, I saw the milky way for the first time in years (no meteor shower though- It is best pre-dawn & I am not getting out of bed at that time on vacation). Also there is NO noise. None. The quiet is deafening and I literally can't sleep.

It is just interesting to me how different I would be if I had grown up somewhere like this, or it I lived somewhere like this. I am used to no stop, always going everything and that just isn't the way it is here. Or maybe I wouldn't be different. Maybe I would have just been that kid who couldn't wait to get out and never came back. Actually that is probably what I would be... because that is exactly how I feel about suburbs.

The month of not buying things

Yesterday I found & read this via a Lifehacker article (here): A Year of Living Without.

Then I went home to my crazy house that has stuff packed all over the place because we are earthquake retrofitting the basement. Yet again I had the desire to just start systematically getting rid of all this stuff. As I sighed and got on with working out, I was struck with the fact that the stuff everywhere stressed me out, yet I buy things all time. Things I don't need.

Example: last night at the grocery store I bought I special little thing for cooking eggs in the microwave. It is much easier that the stove top to be sure, but I already did eggs in a bowl in the microwave. This egg cooker is just faster & marginally less fuss, plus my egg is perfectly round when I was done this morning... more crap.

So this is the month of not buying things. The rules:

1. I can buy necessities (food, personal items that actually run out, gas, construction items directly related to previously mentioned remodel, etc). I will stay out of the non-food sections of Target, Fred Meyer and Costco. Lead me not into temptation...
2. If something breaks, I will take a moment to think "Do I really need this (whatever)? Or does something else I already have fill the need just as well." If not replace, if so no buying.
3. When I get that "Oh I totally need to go to Target and get (whatever)" desire I will stop and think why do I want it right now? Do I actually need it or am I just seeking the shoppers high? I am willing to bet that 80% of the time it will really be the latter. 
4. Hard one: replacement habit... Um. Go for a walk? Read? Work on one of my many hobbies? I suspect it will have to be a variety of things. I "shop" probably twice a week, and it nearly always results in a purchase.

That is it. On the face really easy. Don't buy crap. But in actuality it is quite hard. That said I am looking forward to gaining understand into what drives me to buy. (Again I point out the egg cooker, it went in with the bits and pieces for dinner with out nary a thought.) It should be interesting to see how I do because we are going on vacation mid-month which always spurs the buying of things. I'll let you know how it goes.

P.I.E.

I spent two post whining about my posture so I thought I would post on what I am actually doing about it. It is called P.I.E. and it comes from my voice coach Denise Kruse. Here is it:

Posture
Rib cage up, out and left there

Abs relaxed

Shoulders vertically aligned with hips

Weight on the balls of the feet

Feet shoulder width apart

Head slightly forward (this is slight, opens the throat)

Shoulder relaxed

Inhale

Think down (like a water ballon filling from the bottom first)

Diaphragm draws down creating a vacuum in lungs to bring in air

Pelvis muscle must relax in order for the organs to move down and out of the way

Start filling at the knees and fill to the collar bone allowing the upper chest to to expand slight more

Exhale

Draw the air out with sound starting at the very bottom of your torso. Start with an internal jerk from the base pelvic muscles.  

Now course this is focused on supported voice (for signing and acting) but really this is how to breath and stand well. Taking deeper breaths has all sorts of benefits. Most of us wander around taking shallow little breaths (like me) when in fact just breathing fully would make you feel better.

Also there is the whole better posture can improve your confidence thing (LifeHacker article here). So there are many benefits to people who aren't trying to be heard over a train that happens to be passing by your performance space, not that I would know what that is like or anything.

So there you go.

Shoulders over hips.

So this weekend I caught one of those unexpected glimpses of myself in a window. The kind where you don't initially recognize yourself and you suddenly get an honest view of what you really looks like. (Um, this happens to other people right?) I had two realizations: my stomach doesn't stick out nearly as much as I think it does, and I do in fact stand with my shoulders behind my hips. My voice coach said I do this, but I couldn't even picture how that was physically possible so I assumed he was exaggerating to get a point across. Nope. I totally lean away from everything while caving my chest in. A physical manifestation of my desire to protect my heart.  So, yeah. Working on that.

Leaning away

So I am taking signing lessons because... well, I want to. Also I needed to work on supported voice for acting and this seemed like a really great way to do it. It has been interesting and I have made a few discoveries. Like I am a soprano - I seem to be able to make what feels freakishly high notes come out of my person. So, yeah that was a surprise. Also that my tendency to hold back has translated in literally leaning back. My posture is weight back in the heels, shoulders almost behind hips, and of course slouching (stupid desk job). This was a shock. I really thought I stood up straight, leaned in if you will. Yeah. Not so much. Actually I just realized that I am standing all back right now as I write this. Sigh.

Fixing the physical posture is one thing (sort of) but can I fix that without getting to the bottom of why I hold it in - what is it at the root of my needing to be a control freak? And why do I think that somehow holding back some of myself is even remotely helpful? The whole posture of leaning away and slouching is a heart protecting stance - why am I even doing that. Well, I write this as a way of shoving myself out of the protection zone - really it is a good bet that no one will read it in my tiny corner of the internet but this is still in the realm of emotions I would normally stuff down and protect (or hide).

It is funny how you can be the person you are without really understanding why you are that way.

Oh, Hi.

I haven't written in ages and I think the last one was called something like "Colic is a dirty word". Well the baby is 4 1/2. Ahem... So what is today's momentous post about? Make up. Yep. Me writing about make up. What about make up has got me so excited that actually fired up the ancient blog? I found a mascara that doesn't give me raccoon eyes which is a noteworthy accomplishment.

Are you ready? It is No. 7 Exceptional Definition in black. I got it from Target but apparently you can get it from Boots online here. There is kind of a technic to using the brush that comes with it but it is really is pretty straight forward and it really does what it says. But most important to me is the stuff stays on my lashes, as opposed to every other mascara which migrates to my lower lid by 10am (I am including waterproof and very expensive mascaras in the migrating group, by the way). I love this stuff; use it everyday.

Oh and if you don't know what Boots is - bummer. It is drug store in the UK. I have an irrational love of Boots and end up in there every time I am over there just looking at stuff and buying things I probably don't actually need. I suppose it is similar to my love of Target, another store I spend to much time in buying things I don't actually need.